So one day a dwarf is talking to a human and finally realizes that when humans say woman, they generally mean “person who is theoretically capable of childbirth” because for whatever reason, humans assign social expectations based genital differences. (What a fucked up culture, the dwarf thinks.) But hey, better communication! So the next time the dwarf introduces theirself, they say, oh, by the way, I am what you call a “woman.”
And the trade negotiations just stop. They just stop cold. The tall people insist on speaking to the man, they insist on talking to the lady dwarf about all sorts of irrelevant bullshit, like recepies and childrearing and perfume
so the dwarf goes back home, enraged
and is like “BTW guess what happened, we’re all just going to be men forever now as far as the tall ones are concerned”
and everyone is justly horrified at this barbarism but they all agree to do whatever it takes to squeeze those tall bastards for all the resources they are worth
and the dwarves get surlier, and the trade agreements less generous
and the tall people are all “what a miserable and greedy race”
but really they’re just still nursing a grudge about how goddamn backwards and sexist the tall people are
because their best negotiator, one of their sacred cave people, got snubbed the instant she said she was capable of childbirth - and a mortal insult like that can never be forgiven
You forgot Ditto, who is a failed attempt at cloning Mew.
Also…
Klink is a little more complicated.
Klink spontaneously came into existence “about 100 years ago” which roughly corresponds with the industrial revolution, since Pokemon is set in a parallel present. It’s also said in the anime that Trubbish spontaneously comes to life in garbage pits.
Okay so … the way a lot of media franchises work is that they have sort of a series bible that explains the finer points of everything, and it’s boring to just dump the series bible right out in the dialog so they’ll allude to a singular concept from different angles so that those concepts give you a glimpse of the whole idea.
Pokemon has been doing that for a while, and finally drove it home in Gen 5.
There’s this concept in Pokemon that Pokemon spontaneously come into existence as a result of the existence of another thing. This concept is never explained clearly and outright, but it’s hinted to at several points. The origin story of Voltorb and Klink are good examples, but so are Pokemon like Mr Mime and Vanillite.
Pokemon come into existence to reflect memes from the collective human consciousness. Real birds exist and humans understand that so new Pokemon come into existence that are based on real birds. You may also conclude that the animals that most Pokemon are “based” on could’ve been driven to extinction by their Pokemon counterparts, which is in no way supported in the games or comics or anime, but would be a reasonable conclusion.
Okay but wait there’s more!
Legendary Pokemon only exist because their legend exists. It’s like a chicken/egg problem. The lore of a legendary Pokemon makes it real. Arceus only created the universe because the people of Sinnoh believed it to be true, and it retroactively became true.
There’s this optional story thing in Heart Gold / Soul Silver where Cynthia talks about the connection between Johto’s Unown and Sinnoh’s Arceus legends, and how the two might be related. We then see a swarm of Unown bringing a new Arceus into existence - one totally different from the Arceus featured in the previous game.
Remember in the anime movie when Unown had the power to make dreams a reality? Pokemon exist as a result of human dreams and language and Unown are the manifestation of that concept.
That’s how Pokemon work.
My entire life makes sense.
WHEN THE HELL DID POKEMON GET SO META
Yes! YES! This is exactly what I’ve been thinking this whole time! Except my theories go a bit farther to say that the Unown are actually what run the universe, and that the chaos that created the egg Arceus came in is actually the dimension of Unown! After it was created, Arceus was able to continue from there, but the Unown still have that exact power as before, which explains why the ruins of Alph were created by worshippers of them, because they really are an all powerful deity.
What if
all women were bigger and stronger than you
and thought they were smarter
What if
women were the ones who started wars
What if
too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos
and no K-Y Jelly
What if
the state trooper
who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike
was a woman
and carried a gun
What if
the ability to menstruate
was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs
What if
your attractiveness to women depended
on the size of your penis
What if
every time women saw you
they’d hoot and make jerking motions with their hands
What if
women were always making jokes
about how ugly penises are
and how bad sperm tastes
What if
you had to explain what’s wrong with your car
to big sweaty women with greasy hands
who stared at your crotch
in a garage where you are surrounded
by posters of naked men with hard-ons
What if
men’s magazines featured cover photos
of 14-year-old boys
with socks
tucked into the front of their jeans
and articles like:
“How to tell if your wife is unfaithful”
or
“What your doctor won’t tell you about your prostate”
or
“The truth about impotence”
What if
the doctor who examined your prostate
was a woman
and called you “Honey”
What if
you had to inhale your boss’s stale cigar breath
as she insisted that sleeping with her
was part of the job
What if
you couldn’t get away because
the company dress code required
you wear shoes
designed to keep you from running
And what if
after all that
women still wanted you
to love them.
"
—
For the Men Who Still Don’t Get It, written 20 years ago by Carol Diehl.
She wrote a post about the history of this poem that is worth reading.
