WHAT TEAM?

TEAM ‘I CANT AFFORD/BRING MYSELF TO GO TO A THERAPIST BUT I JUST KNOW IM PROBABLY CERTIFIABLE FOR SOMETHING’!!!!

im tired of my thoughts being a dangerous place to linger.

sigh im exhausted. i mean woo family woo christmas that was fun, but half the time they were just verifying what i was saying in that readmore yesterday

christian jokingly threatened to hurt me twice and i got called a prissy princess each time i said ‘can you not’ and wouldnt stop making snide comments (and id get in trouble when i spoke back, too) with my cousin as the support chorus

and i got roped into making the mojitos (which no one in the family knows how to make) and nigh immediately mum started 'joking’ about how slow i was, how nobody would get a drink at this rate (during my first ever one, yknow when youre reading the recipe) and didnt stop when i asked her to, and when i said 'are you done?’ she told me not to be rude

like

thats a near-exact quote of what i wrote last night

i guess im not allowed to be offended in this house

visiting home really helps remind you why you dont live at home

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aaaannnnd mum comes home and is immediately angry again

you know what i love?

mum coming home and immediately bitching me out for stuff despite me trying to make my staying here as easy as possible for her

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you know when you say you hate growing up and whoever youre talking to giggles and goes ‘it does’ all amused and condescending and youre like no

no

no, i mean i dont like how growing up feels, i dont like the person im becoming, i dont like where my life is headed and id like to get off please

but let’s laugh about it, sure.