witchbreaux:

a friend *stabs me in the kidney and empties my bank account*
me: I can’t believe you would do this! I thought you cared about me!
me a few days later: I apologize for shouting at you and I think I definitely need to recognize the part I played in this situation cos it’s not all on you. Anyways I think we can work past this.

kyleehenke:

Im gonna make myself a pokemon trainer outfit and pack me a bag and the day the pokemon go app comes out i’ll just jump on my bike and u will never see me again

Shout out to all my girls pretty enough to be called pretty, but oddly never pursued. I fucks with y'all.

kitkatsandcoffee:

I feel this on a spiritual level. 

exuvial:

crownedsiren:

Okay, if Gryffindor is the house of doing stupid, maybe dangerous things because it’s fun, Slytherin is the house of doing the same things because fuck you, Sarah, don’t tell me what not to do

@dysfunctic

kodiakbearr:

Dark Google: show me where i can buy illegal heelys

kodiakbearr:

Dark Google: show me where i can buy illegal heelys

scientifrick:

my uncle and aunt were arguing over who had to drive home then we heard my aunt say “babe look” and she started chugging a bottle of wine

astrifeline:

ulanji:

chainsawpunk:

I hate the cat buttholes in neko atsume

is buttholes a rare cat? how do you get him and why do you hate him

leave buttholes olone he is innocent

me as a villain