cheddarbunny:

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an0m0ly:

Damage

This is not my usual post. But it’s something I had to share. As you read this, imagine how your reaction would differ if this story were being told by a woman, talking about how her husband treated her.

I have been separated from my wife for over a year, though we continue to share a house. We live on separate floors. We share the house because we need to parent our son together, and because we can’t afford to maintain two households.

I’d like to tell you a story, illustrating one reason why I am divorcing her. This is an example of the treatment I have received over the past fourteen years.

This evening, while she was drinking her wine, my estranged wife took exception to the fact that I wanted to talk about how tense she’s been. She said she didn’t want to talk about it.

I left the room (so as to comply with her request).

I went upstairs to use our tiny guest bathroom. She began to yell and throw things around the kitchen, then eventually charged up the stairs and into the bathroom, just as I was finishing and getting ready to leave. She confronted me there, holding her half-full wine glass in her hand. Her voice got louder, her gestures wilder.

She complained that I had upset her by wanting to talk when she had told me she didn’t want to talk. As I began to feel uncomfortable, I said, “You’re saying it’s my fault you can’t express your emotions responsibly like an adult?”

She said, “Yes!! It’s because you want to go off and take a vacation with your girlfriend!” Then she threw the contents of her glass in my face and smashed it against my bare chest.

The results are pictured here.

I stood there, with shattered glass at my feet, glass shards sticking in my skin, bleeding, for five minutes or so. I asked her to move so that I could leave. She waved the broken stem of the glass in the air and said, “Leave!! Who’s stopping you?”

I told her she was standing between me and the door. I felt threatened.

She laughed and said, “You’re 6 foot 3 and 250 pounds! You can’t feel threatened by me!”

I said, “You just broke a glass on my chest and cut me. You’re standing there with the stem in your hands. Yes. I feel threatened.

She said, “No, you don’t.”

I asked her to move out of the way and let me pass. I didn’t want her to think I was pushing her or threatening her.

She held her ground, waved the broken stem and shouted, “Go on! Leave! I’m not stopping you!”

After I asked her repeatedly, she finally moved a bit and I left, carefully stepping over the broken glass.

I have posted this here as evidence, and to help those who may think that size and gender make a difference when abuse is concerned. People who, like my estranged, think some have permission to feel threatened and some don’t.

Abusers come in all sizes and genders.

She and I went to a half dozen therapists over the years. At each initial session, every therapist took a look at me, then at her (5’4” 150 lbs.). Then he or she would gravely ask my wife, “Do you feel safe?”

None ever thought to ask me.

Thanks for listening.

Because this needs to be shared. Because abuse is wrong no matter what. Because this saddens my heart.

:(

honestly, fuck tumblr. if this was a woman this would be the only thing on my dash.

with that being said, fuck people who think that women are the only ones that can be abused in a relationship. and fuck crazy women, as well.

eeeeeeeeeee D:

Why does this have so few notes? If the man in this picture were actually a woman, this would have so many notes it’d be ridiculous. Everyone needs to see this. Everyone needs to see that abusers can be any shape or size, as if you need to see it to believe it.

And major kudos to this man for not using his size and weight when he very well could have. Kudos to you for being a decent human being, sir.

sickens me how few notes this has. Woman aren’t always these fragile lil creatures and if this post was by a woman, tumblr would be all over it.

This is bullshit. All these women complain about wanting equality, but most of them are sexist themselves. And then when things happen to men, “oh, it’s different because it’s a guy” no. Fuck that. No one deserves to be treated this way.

stfu-misandrists:

saltymrshotgun:

stormrose:

aboutmaleprivilege:

coldeyesthatburn:

osobigbear:

coldeyesthatburn:

everythingdolls:

everythingdolls:

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punpunichu:

feministsaresexist:

acidshenko:

stayy-beautiful-baby:

intellectualthicket:

punkdad:

Deserves attention.

This needs more attention.

I support these men, not just women in similar situations ♥

Domestic violence knows no gender boundaries.

AbusedMen.org

It’s wonderful that this has so many notes.

Domestic violence is awful, no matter what genders are involved :C

One time I was scolded for mentioning the fact that men get abused too after my supervisor failed to mention it. While giving a tour of the domestic violence shelter I worked at. (“You aren’t supposed to talk during training, just watch.”)

Found out last week my brother’s wife has been physically assaulting him for years in addition to the mental and emotional abuse she’s put him through.  He’s always just stood there and took it - hasn’t laid a finger on her in return.  He finally had enough and called the cops.  Now he’s without a place to live - his mother-in-law kicked him out of the house - he sleeps in his truck and showers at my dad’s (he lives in a retirement community, so my brother can’t stay there).  My heart hurts for him, and I have no idea what to do to help. 

Ok this is making me feel some kinda way

yes, this is definitely a thing that does need to be talked about, and it is definitely okay too, just so long as we don’t try and compare it or put it on the same level as domestic violence towards women. Domestic violence definitely goes both ways but at different levels of severity and consistency.

^^^ what I failed to say

yes, this is definitely a thing that does need to be talked about, and it is definitely okay too, just so long as we don’t try and compare it or put it on the same level as domestic violence towards women. Domestic violence definitely goes both ways but at different levels of severity and consistency.

^^ Why the hell not? The way I see it, it is violence no matter how you think about it, and it is just as terrible when women abuse their boyfriends/husbands as when men abuse their wives/girlfriends. I’m all for women standing up for themselves when people act sexist, but please don’t do the whole reverse-sexist/super-feminist thing. 

There is absolutely no reason why we should view it any differently when a man is assaulted by a woman. Women have spent ages trying to prove we are just as good as men at everything: we are just as strong, as intelligent, as anything as a man. We need to stop playing the “It’s different for us, we’re women” card in situations like this! Why should anyone be less empathetic to a man who’s been abused by his wife/girlfriend compared to a woman who’s been assaulted? 

It’s because society views male victims as weak and pathetic. “oh, that guy, he lets his wife/girl toss him around.” That’s the reaction we normally give men that admit to domestic violence. We pity the women who are abused, because historically men have always been the ones in power and with the power to abuse in most societies, while women are often viewed as the delicate, fragile victim to the men in their lives. In reverse situations, we sometimes hold the women in esteem for not letting the guy order her about, for taking a stand for herself, and we fail to recognize that this is in fact abuse. 

This is not even to mention that the rate of domestic violence against men versus women is approximately equal. Statistics often report numbers based on police reports, and men are often less likely to report being abused by a woman (often for the reason I stated above—they don’t want to be viewed as weak or pathetic). Surveys report that men are the victims of domestic violence 35-50% of the time (and this is backed by scientific evidence; look it up if you don’t believe me: the link acidshenko gave is one of a few good resources).

And please don’t give me the whole difference of severity. I personally know more than one woman who could take on any man larger than she and emerge victorious. There’s plenty of evidence to support the fact that women can be just as violent as men, and can cause just as much damage as a man in a fight. (Tumblr loves the posts about self-defense, particularly for women; I know I’ve reblogged more than one of those posts myself). 

The fact of the matter is that no one should have to put up with being abused, or be afraid of being ridiculed for reporting abuse. I don’t care if the victim is male or female. Abuse should not happen. Period. 

I like this response..

Wow… only one misandrist replied.

There IS hope!

please read the whole thing people

cobblepot:

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