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halfhardtorock:

biokitty:

nudityandnerdery:

See, what you need to understand is that “Not all guys are like that” is never going to work. Because you’re answering an entirely different conversation than what women are actually saying.

You think women are saying “Every man is a predator and a danger to me.” And you’re replying, “But I’m not like that.”

But women aren’t saying that. They’re saying “There are too many situations where women have to worry about their safety,” and you’re saying “That’s not important.” They’re saying “Women are constantly told it’s their fault if something bad happens,” and you’re saying “Don’t worry about it.” They’re saying “Too often, women find their trust violated by men,” and you’re saying “But you should trust me!”

They’re saying “So many men have decided that what they want is more important than anything about a woman.” And you’re replying “I’m exactly like that.”

I read something the other day that really hit this home. When you say “some guys are predatory and hurt women” it gives a loophole for dudes who ARE predatory to wiggle out and it makes it seem like men who do these harmful things to women are few and far between. The men who point out that not all men are like that are looking for their loophole because they ARE like that.

But the reality is that most men are predatory or treat women like shit. We should be saying “some” when we talk about the men who DON’T hurt or disrespect women because those men? THEY are the ones that are few and far between and THEY don’t need a linguistic loophole to absolve their responsibility to treat women like people.

The truth is, there is a lot of abuse that doesn’t even ping most men as abuse. I am sure there are men who have raped or sexually abused unconscious/drunk women and/or guilt-tripped their girlfriends into sexual situations they didn’t want to be in and/or catcalled and scared a woman in the street at night with his buddies and they would still call themselves ‘nice guys’. Because rape culture normalizes this behavior, and they really have no self-awareness of their abusiveness and misogyny. 

It’s like when you ask male college students if they’ve ever ‘raped’ anyone, most will adamantly answer to the negative. But if you change the language enough, take out the word ‘rape’ and replace it, asking if they have ever “had sexual intercourse with someone, even though they did not want to, because they were too intoxicated (on alcohol or drugs) to resist your sexual advances” Many of those same men will say yes. Many of these men still likely think of themselves as ‘nice guys’ because they have never like, physically attacked a stranger in an alley and raped her violently. 

It reminds me of okcniceguys, which catologues all the self-proclaimed ‘nice guys’ on okcupid who have the most misogynistic shit in their profiles, some of which is blatantly fucking NOT NICE like answering ‘YES’ to the question Do you feel there are circumstances in which a person is obligated to have sex with you?

Hint: If you answered yes to this, you are not a nice person.