lynnliz13:

shorm:

bospaladin:

guiltyblue:

blackmagedark:

the-genius-pilot:

jeboboid:

insanefastone:

darthevzimus:

opalsoda:

crash-antebois:

dirk-the-hatter:

osheamobile:

thatoneblogyoualmostremember:

roguesareth:

myherokills:

You trip and fall to your death.

Critical fail, you swallow a knife and it explodes.

“As the assassin foolishly tries to slide down the gravelly side of the mountain, he trips and slits his throat on his knife. He’s dead. Anyone else want to do anything stupid?”

“You somehow determine that the golem is made of bacon.”

"You go to search the body, but manage instead to trigger the bear trap. I’m rolling damage now.”

“You shoot your unconscious bleeding cleric, roll damage. Don’t forget your favored enemy bonus.”

“You fail to notice the pit in front of you as you direct your horse to walk into it.”

“The mugger then proceeds to shoot his friend in the foot”

“the opponent sneezes and accidentally stabs himself to death”

“You try to pick the door, but the door picks you. You’ve been impaled.”

“You let go of the bow instead of its string, and it hits you in the face before falling at your feet.”
me: can i just pretend like i totally meant to do that
//rolls a nat 20 on a bluff check
“Everyone totally saw that but it looked like you completely meant to do that.”

Instead of searching the room, you find that the carvings on the wall are so interesting that you want to see them much more closely, you get close enough to taste them, which you do.

You attempt to search the room, but are immediately distracted by the presence of a fly

Your party prepares to tackle down the prison door after taking care of the guards outside. Your rogue and elf ranger make it out in good form, but you crash into the wall instead and fall on your ass.

(actually happened to my friend in a campaign)

>roll for building’s defense
>botch
>the building has now set itself on fire

“Lie to the guard.”
>roll 1
“It appears your last drink had veritaserum in it. You tell the guard all your plans, and hand him all the stolen goods from your pockets. Then you probably pee on his boots too. Why not.”

I had a house rule (in my baby days as a DM) that if you rolled three nat 20s you got an auto-kill, and if you rolled a nat 1 you had to confirm to see if you fucked up so badly you hit yourself. I did not see 1-20-20-20 coming, but the Big Bad Boss’s first round consisted of him running at the party and then snapping his own neck with his quarterstaff and falling to the ground at their feet.

Someone in my party once got something along the lines of

“You wind up to deal the killing blow, but find yourself on a rooftop 10 miles away in that city we left a week ago, because… Divine Intervention.”