Guy on train I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos.

Me *turns up music*

Guy I said I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos!

Me *takes off headphones* Leave. Me. Alone.

Guy Why the fuck do you have so many tattoos?

Me

Guy Are you fucking deaf as well as a piece of trash?

Lady by door Hey. Leave her alone.

Guy Are you her trash girlfriend? Fucking dykes, all tattooed like fucking men. Disgusting waste of pussy.

Lady *moves forward, carefully moves jacket so only I can see the badge on her belt* Are you okay?

Me Fine. Just wish he'd go away.

Lady cop I can make that happen.

Guy Oh, yeah, bitch? Who the fuck are you? I'll kill you!

Lady cop And that's what I was waiting for. *grabs guy, holds him against the door* Harassing women on the train was enough, but you just threatened a cop. You're battin' a thousand tonight.

Entire train *applauds*