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goathornsandblackwool:

sidneyia:

goathornsandblackwool:

goathornsandblackwool:

“Aw man I wish you could like go on ~platonic dates~ with friends and like sleep in the same bed as your friend and cudddle with your friends and have someone that you don’t just hang out in groups with but like, have long deep conversations and share secrets”

I don’t know what the fuck happened to you guys younger than me in your formative years but literally everyyyything you’re describing is something that was included in the concept of ‘best friends’ as it was repeatedly presented to me as a child and teen.

SOmething happened along the way that got so many people thinking that ‘friend’ is ‘anyone and everyone you repeatedly  have ‘friendly’ contact with’ and that’s NOT TRUE.

We need to seriously bring back the word ‘acquaintance’. You need to familiarize yourself with it.

Because all of you complaining about having friend groups full of people who talk shit about you or exclude you? You don’t have friends, those are acquaintances.

Those ‘friends’ who don’t actually know much about you and aren’t that concerned about you? Acquaintances.

Those ‘friends’ you know who wouldn’t go one on one with you shopping, to lunch, to the movies? Acquaintances.

You are acquainted. You know each other. You are friendly towards each other. But that’s it. You’re not friends.

Somewhere along the way the term ‘friend’ became ‘anyone you know and talk to in a positive manner’ and that’s fine but in that case we ALSO need to re-legitimize the term best friend.

Because to a one, every post whining about ‘platonic mates’ and pining for ‘platonic dates’ is literally just someone wishing they had a best friend.

All of them.

Addition: You can be friendly to someone without being friends. Everyone who is friendly to you isn’t necessarily your friend.

And that’s okay. Having people in your life that are not and never will be your friends is normal and good.

It helps you see and thus value who your friends actually are. They’re special people for a reason.

the concept of cuddling or sharing a bed with a best friend (who isn’t my spouse) is horrifying to me, OP. people’s boundaries fall in different places and having extremely intimate physical contact with friends who aren’t romantic partners is *not* intrinsically included in the definition of friendship.

Hey..
honey…

Did you know that just because something exists doesn’t mean you have to do it?

Just because YOU don’t want to lay next to your best friend doesn’t mean it’s suddenly not normal for anyone to do it. And it doesn’t erase the fact that for children AND adults, it’s normal to lay in bed together and talk, fall asleep together, sleep over, hug, etc.

You may prefer friendships without intimacy. That’s on YOU. That doesn’t suddenly mean it’s not within the realm of the Normal Human Experience of friendship to do so.

Your issues are YOURS. Whether or not YOU want to sleep with your friends is irrelevant to my point at large, which is that the relegation of intimacy to romance is atrophying friendships, and the idea that everyone you ever meet and interact positively with is your friend. I never said ‘go sleep with your friends you have to now’ (wtf)

tl;dr I said what I said.