therapist: so tell me about yourself

me: you need to know before any of this that i am extraordinarily self-aware and have been dealing with this on my own for more than a decade so probably won’t respond well to traditional therapy techniques as i’ve tried pretty much everything that you can find on the internet for a long enough time to build up a tolerance for it all so you might have to work harder

therapist: alright then i’m going to suggest something a little different, you might have heard of this one but maybe give it a shot… it’s called…. “mindfulness”

me: alright so we have 45 minutes still but i’m just gonna go ahead and leave now.