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butchruby:

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shinyzelda:

if someone wants to explain why allosexual is a bad term please do, because you can probably do it better than i can

the term allosexual:

• compares sga (same gender attracted) people to their opressors (straight people)
• sexualizes people without their consent (this is bad bc gay people are constantly persecuted by homophobes for “what they do in bed” & there are abuse victims grouped in with this term)
  
• implies that sga people are privileged for the same thing theyre oppressed for
• shames people for their sexuality, which can be damaging to abuse victims who are hypersexual due to trauma
  

• makes broad and invasive assumptions about sex lives of everyone who doesn’t actively id as ace and erases anyone with a complicated relationship with sex (esp, sga ppl, mentally ill ppl, poc, abuse victims, etc) who doesn’t choose id as ace
  
• also frequently makes these assumptions about minors

Let me break it down:

-The word “cis” literally does the exact same thing, so if you are going to say that about “allosexual” than you have to say the same thing about “cis”.

-You are operating under the assumption that asexual=“person who does not have sex” therefore, allosexual= “person who has sex”. This is a false assumption as there are many asexuals who do have sex. Asexual= “person who does not experience sexual attraction” and allosexual= “person who does experience sexual attraction”. The term “allosexual” makes no assumptions about anyone’s sexual activity because it merely describes attraction. 

- Allosexual is merely an operative word to describe people who are not asexual. It is meant to describe a difference in experience. Again, this can be compared to the term, “cis”. This would be like saying that the word “cis” implies that women privileged for the very thing that are oppressed for: their gender.

-”Allosexual” doesn’t shame people for their sexuality. Someone can use the term “allosexual” to oppress someone for their sexuality (and they have, I’m not denying that) but that doesn’t change the fact that the word itself isn’t shaming or offensive. For example, people get called “gay” all the time as a means of insult and sexuality shaming. Doesn’t change the fact that the word itself is fairly neutral.

-Again, “allosexual” does not mean “person who has sex”. The term “allosexual” literally assumes NOTHING about a person’s personal sex life because the term “asexual” literally assumes nothing about a person’s sex life. People can be celibate their whole lives and still be allosexual, just like a person could have sex every single day and still be asexual.

-Again, the term “allosexual” literally just means “person who is not asexual”. It makes no comments about a person’s sex life.

Look, if allosexual did mean “people who have sex” your argument would be completely valid. However, it doesn’t. It literally just means “non asexual”.

I’m not going to pretend that there aren’t aces who make assumptions about allosexual people. I’m not going to pretend that there aren’t aces who misuse the word to shame people for their sexuality.

 The problem, however, isn’t the word itself, but the fact that people are misusing it in order to hurt other people. Just like the problem isn’t the word “gay”, but the fact that people misuse it to harm other people.

 The word “allosexual” started being used in the first place because asexuals didn’t want to offend non-asexuals by calling them “sexuals” which IS a word which makes assumption about people’s sex lives.

There are problems with the word allosexual, but they aren’t what you have outlined here. The word itself has been around for a while and has come to mean wildly different things depending upon context.

For example:

In biology, psychology, and sociology, it pretty much means “heterosexual”

In French Canadian LGB circles, it has come to mean “non straight person”

And now, in asexual circles, it means “person who is not asexual”

Notice, though, how none of those definitions say anything about anybody’s sex life.

The ace community is currently in the process of trying to find a new term that is much clearer and doesn’t have these issues. In the meantime, however, we will probably continue to use “allosexual” to help describe our differences in experience.