my favorite straight white boy thing to ever happen to me was in my intro to creative writing course where my teacher made us read a poem by sappho and when my professor asked us what it was about one dude was like “um well she’s writing from a boy’s perspective, or maybe she’s jealous of this girl she’s writing about” and i flat about interrupted him and said “sappho was writing about a woman because she wasn’t straight” and he was like “what” and i had to say it again and he was shocked and i couldn’t stop thinking about the mental gymnastics he must’ve had to do so that a poem by sappho didn’t sound gay to him