Just Breathe (½)
Summary: A story in which Lapis Lazuli is ‘redeemed’ but still really angry and hurt and confused (she ain’t no Crystal Gem!) Pearl’s not really the best person to calm her down, but maybe the two of them can work something out (or fight something out, Gem-style!) If you prefer your Lapis 100% kind and well-intentioned, this may not be your thing. If you prefer your Lapis still really pissed about all the shit cards life has dealt her, well, maybe this won’t be a waste of your time.
Credit to lapislazuhli for the idea that Lapis remembers Pearl from all the times Pearl has asked her to bring up images of Homeworld and/or Homeworld-controlled planets. And deep thanks to oathkeeper-of-tarth for the beta.
Rating: T
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“We found this gem-powered mirror at the Galaxy Warp. It can capture and display any event it’s witnessed in all of Gem history.”
“…It is in pretty rough shape. It must finally be broken. What a shame.”
“Steven, it’s just a mirror, a tool. It can’t want anything.”
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trapped by extenuating circumstances
Time drenches everything in a haze. Everything was grander.
Gems were so much more powerful.
Gems were always right.
Homeworld was the universe, or at least, had everything worth having in the universe.
Lapis wishes someone could understand.
Lapis also wishes she could just turn off her mind, just sink into the waters without a war within her or a cage around her.
She feels no relief that she has been freed, that she’s been offered companionship, that on some evenings Steven sits with her on a deckchair by the beach.
Sometimes she finds herself back in the past, a mirror, bound to the wishes of whoever is holding her.
Sometimes she’s still there, at the bottom of the ocean, chained with her own power, locked up in her own jail cell.
She hates this form, sometimes. Wishes that she could claw out the illusion of skin. Wishes she could tear herself apart. She’s never believed in this miserable hunk of rock. Now she is bound to it by the loss of Homeworld. Even when she screams, it is not enough. Even when her throat hurts, it isn’t enough.
There are days when she hides herself from the Crystal Gems and Steven. They don’t run after her, probably on Steven’s wishes. They give her space.
She hides herself because it’s too easy to lash out at anything. She materializes water whips from the ocean and cuts rocks into halves, fourths, eighths – on and on until they’re nothing but bits scattered on the sand. The sound of rock cracking surrounds her, and still it’s not enough. The earth completes its rotation, but Lapis can go on for much longer when she’s in the mood, days and days of wandering around, traveling beyond Beach City and to surrounding islands, destroying, destroying, destroying, wishing that she could lose herself.