Caliborn is, in essence, explaining the “final boss battle” the kids wage against him, which wraps up a number of longstanding mysteries of the comic
so here we go:
John, using his retcon powers, warps himself and the other 7 God Tier kids to go battle Caliborn, ambushing him before he becomes Lord English.
They fight Caliborn and Gamzee; Gamzee is cut in half in the ensuing fracas.
Caliborn activates the Juju he received upon completing his quest, the Homestuck Logo Thingy; it’s power traps John, Rose, Dave, and Jade’s souls inside it.
Caliborn uses the Ring of Void to banish the Juju to the Dream Bubbles, where Vriska found it. This completes a time loop in which John gets the retcon powers in the first place, only to later be sealed away in the very object that give him the powers.
The remaining four kids battle Caliborn.
Caliborn defeats all of them, but Jake’s hope powers activate and allow him to deal massive damage to Caliborn. Caliborn, angered but impressed, decides to rename himself Lord English.
Unfortunately, since Caliborn is basically immortal, the attack still only stuns him.
Arquius launches a sudden and unexpected counter-attack, ambushing Caliborn with robotic horses (as foreshadowed by Hussie here).
While Arquius holds onto Caliborn, Dirk uses his soul powers to trap Caliborn’s soul inside Lil Cal. Unfortunately, Arquius and half of Gamzee are also pulled into Lil Cal in the process, creating the horrible abomination known as Lord English.
Roxy tries to banish Caliborn’s soul forever by sending Lil Cal into the void, but this allows Lil Cal access to the multiverse, presumably because Caliborn had the Ring of Void. Lil Cal’s existence has always been a bit of an unexplained paradox, and this finally explains how he was able to appear in Dave’s nightmares.
where does this leave us?
Lord English is continuing his multiversal rampage
the Beta Kids are trapped inside the Homestuck Logo Thingy, which is currently in the possession of either Meenah or Aradia
the Alpha kids are stuck on Caliborn’s planet without John to teleport them away
the surviving Trolls, who did not come with the Alpha kids, are probably stuck with the Condesce, who is continuing her plan to complete the Alpha kid’s session and create a new universe to rule over
we need an emergency fake dash in case any of our relatives suddenly demand to see what we do on tumblr
like you log in with the password “parent alert” and it takes you to a dash that’s just the wisdom of confucius and new yorkers dissing olive garden
we should have that
Done. Email: allfandomsmatter@gmail.com Password: parentalert Username: helpsomeonescoming Use it well. Lets blast it so everyone can use it. Good luck.
I once had a drunk guy tell me I was too sexy to be shooting up at a party. He knocked the needle out of my hands and stepped on the pen, shattering the casing, telling me I should thank him by giving him my number and a kiss. It was my diabetes medicine.
Guy:
Have a nice evening. What does that even mean? If I've just had a divorce am I going to have a nice evening? If my mother just died am I going to have a nice evening? Just say good evening. It's formal and to the point.
Me:
...
Me:
good evening then.
*Later is a group of 21 year olds, all buying alcohol*
Me:
[getting flustered as the line at my checkout is super long] can I see ID?
First dude:
of course! Pass them down boys we can make this easier for her. Calm down, you're doing great.
Do people genuinely still think young people are the worst customers?
