you: Steven Universe

nogfhaver:

me, an intellectual:

The Lusty Argonian Maid

psiduk:

boyslayr:

me: I dont wanna like…… do things……..

My psychologist: You have to, do things

me: 

i-want-cheese:

Whenever a man says some version of, “I’m a feminist because I have a daughter,” I hear, “I was okay with women being public property until I realized that would also apply to this young woman whom I consider to be my private property.”

ways to start feeling again

kinasty:

urbanthropologie:

• sit in the sun without anything to do, feel the heat of the rays hit your skin, realize that this sunlight has travelled a very long way to reach you
  
• walk around barefoot and try to feel as much of the ground under your feet as you can, notice every rock and blade of grass
• sit quietly for a while and notice the touch of breath in your nostrils, feel how the air gets cooler as you inhale and warmer as you exhale
  
• drive around aimlessly and blast some of your favorite songs, scream/sing along to them and feel the vibrations of your favorite lyrics as they change the air in your throat and around you, feel that the music is healing you from the inside out
  
• stay away from alcohol or drugs for a few days, try to be as aware and present as you can in every moment, stop trying to numb or dull your senses
• eat a few meals without any distractions, notice every bite and taste every flavor that covers your tongue, be grateful for it all
• look up at the stars and the moon, understand how small we all are and how immense the universe is, realize what a miracle everything is, let your heart swell with amazement and admiration for life itself
  
  

ok this is actually cool bc doing all of this is a technique called “mindful thinking” that is extremely useful for people with anxiety disorders and dissociation disorders and stuff!

kaceart:

this discourse is old as hell, but ya’ll can tell me all you want that sasuke ain’t gay but

why tf is their kiss in there when he’s thinking of why he saved naruto u fuckin tell me

sasukehateblog:

me: can i say something mean and petty?

my friends, sitting at the edge of their chairs, alert and ready: absolutely

that whole fucking post felt like when you have to write an assignment on a culture you’re only Vaguely familiar with & you can’t actually be fucked RESEARCHING it so you flesh out whatever minutiae you find from 10 minutes of googling into 500 words of faff

ahahahah which is so funny because australia (the part that doesnt have all that culture behind it) can literally be summed up by the fact that we just legalized saying fuck

australia’s motto: ‘mate, fuck that.’

you hipster fucks better stay away from fairy bread

how dare u imply that something australian requires anything other than the absolute minimum amount of effort

thats as unaustralian as u can get

sun-lesbian:

society4cuttingupmen:

LMAO i had to take 2 semesters of spanish and my one professor would like try to talk in spanish and ask us questions about our lives and stuff and one time we were learning like family words and he was like “jill, tienes un novio?” and i was like “tengo una novia” and he was like “hahahaha you just said u have a girlfriend” and i was like “um yeah…. i have a girlfriend….” it was such a yikes for everyone involved

Oh boy

How to Make Fairy Bread, the Rainbow Snack from Australia

defira85:

eatingcroutons:

fluffmugger:

introspectivenavelgazer:

fluffmugger:

the-deviations:

Originally posted by needsadoctor

ok when a melburnian tells you this hipster shit has gone too fucking far it has, officially, gone too fucking far.

So how do you make fairy bread? Because I thought it was bread, butter and enough sprinkles to look like a pile of unicorn cocaine

it’s the cheapest, thinnest slices of the whitest bread you can get your hands on (preferably $1 loaf), enough margarine to make stuff stick to it, then a shitload of 100′s and 1000′s. 

This is not a classy food. This is the finest of trashpanda, hungover college student three-year-old fare. And we damned well like it that way

“To make fairy bread, use a nice cultured butter (even better, make your own)”

what the fuck

no you don’t, you buy your cheapo fucking supermarket brand butter and then despair as you repeatedly tear holes in the slices of your 85c bread loaf while trying to spread it

(it’s easier if the bread has gone a little hard, nobody gives a shit about stale bread when they’re basically eating a mouthful of sugar)

MAKE YOUR OWN BUTTER??? HOW DARE THEY GENTRIFY MY FAIRY BREAD

thewinterotter:

constant-instigator:

audsbot:

thewinterotter:

dominawritesthings:

rainnecassidy:

sinfullucifer:

the-negotiator:

sinfullucifer:

generallyhuxurious:

sinfullucifer:

tinfoil-on-the-windows:

sinfullucifer:

tinfoil-on-the-windows:

sinfullucifer:

actualtrashbag:

sinfullucifer:

so you know the rule in fairylands where you cant eat or drink anything or you’ll have to stay there forever? does like.. .eating out/sucking dick count

holy f uck jane

its a serious question

well like, the whole thing is that you cannot have consumed anything belonging to the fey realm. so, yes, probably, you would be stuck there. the same would apply if you just straight up ate a fairy.

new question: would deepthroating count in this case even w/o swallowing

no. temporary doesn’t count, otherwise fairies would all be running about sticking their hands in your mouth to get human servants.

you gotta digest it.

so like??? if you puke afterwards?? maybe it doesn’t count?

huh! i wonder how long is enough time for it to be legit. like whatever goes through your stomach immediately condemns you no matter if you throw it up later?

Well Persephone only ate 6 seeds so she only stayed 6 months, so maybe if you spat out most of it you’d just be condemned to the occasional day “BRB got go pay the two day toll for fellating a fairy.”

“you wanna come over for the weekend?”

“oh man im so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now i have to keep coming back to do it again– its a long story”

“you what now”

i can hardly believe this isn’t already the plot of an Oglaf comic

now that u said it im really surprised as well

what the fuck did i just read

Why ISN’T this an Oglaf comic yet?

I’m so happy that i’m not the only person who thinks of questions like these. I love you all so much.

I’m not convinced by this, actually!

Like, this analysis treats it as a substance problem, i.e. “edible matter from fairyland has properties that, if ingested, physically prevent you from being able to return to the real world.”

But OTOH, a recurring theme throughout fairy stories is that they’re all about…rules and exchanges and agreements with really steep interest rates:

• “I’ll do you this favor, but if you don’t guess my name you’ll have to give me your first-born child.”
  
• “You’re gonna be real good at everything but when you’re 16 you’re gonna prick your finger and die.”
  
• “You loaned me $2 for the bus when I looked like a beggar, so now here’s a literal pile of gold and shit.”
  

Not to mention that in Childe Rowland, one of the central “if you eat food from fairyland you’re stuck there” stories, Rowland manages to retrieve his siblings despite them all presumably having chowed down on fairy food – all it took was beating the Fairy King in a swordfight and threatening to chop his head off.

---

The takeaway, I think, is that the food thing a matter of implicit exchange: if you get your grub on in fairyland, you’re accepting their hospitality and eating food that they own. This means you owe them, which the fairies can magically leverage to prevent you from leaving.

(You can probably get around this by explicitly agreeing to pay for your meal before you sit down to eat. From what I remember, fairies don’t seem capable of pulling a “Haha, we had an agreement but you’re fucked anyways!” maneuver, so if they agree to let you leave they might even be forced to help you leave.)

---

Which brings us to the matter at hand: if you blow a fairy you’re doing them a favor! They owe you.

And…they’re a fairy, so if you didn’t agree to terms beforehand they might not repay you in a way that’s ultimately helpful or safe, but it certainly doesn’t seem like they’d be able to, like, pat you on the head and be like “Thanks, you’re really good at this buuuuuuut also you’re stuck here forever now.”

Instead, what seems more likely is…I dunno, showing up to your wedding years later and giving you a beautiful white horse that always comes when called, while loudly praising you as truly deserving it for giving them them simply the best oral they’ve had in years. 

Or they feel obligated to show up at your house a couple days a year. So, like

“you wanna come over for the weekend?”

“oh man I’m so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now he always comes by over memorial day weekend and helps me out with minor home repairs.”

“you what now”

This is my favorite act of intellectual bugfuckery on this entire website, when I die I want someone to print this out and place it in my grave with me so I can cherish it forever.

smoothiefreak:

bi-privilege:

bi-privilege:

i would just like to point out that the recent conversation surrounding the male birth control trials isn’t just “lol weak men can’t deal with side effects” it’s the fact that when they were testing hormonal birth control for women in the 50s & 60s, the side effects were much worse, and the women who participated in them, mostly in puerto rico, were not told about the side effects or that the drug was experimental

and THEN when women dropped out, they started using incarcerated women as their guinea pigs, and then despite the fact that some scientists who participated in the original trials were like “uh i don’t think this is actually good, it’s making a lot of these women sick,” the pharmaceutical industry & fda were like  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and approved it for the general population anyways, without really warning women about the potential for all these negative side effects

and THEN researchers basically ceased to do any type of research on side effects like depression and decreased libido for 50 years, despite the fact that women were still complaining about them, and because there was no “hard evidence” of these side effects, a lot of doctors basically just assumed women were exaggerating or making it up. and that continued until the first major study of depression in women who take hormonal contraceptives was released just. this. year.

so yeah, the patriarchy. *waves flag*

further reading:

• the puerto rico pill trials
  
• the racist & sexist history of keeping side effects of birth controls secret
  
• “it’s not in your head” striking new study links birth control to depression
  
• the side effects of male birth control stopping drug trials reveals a disturbing sexism
• male birth control shot prevents pregnancy, researchers call for further study to reduce risk of depression, other side effects

oh, and fun fact: even after this new study was released, a lot of the scientific community is still being like “but can we PROVE these women aren’t just depressed because they’re LOVESICK?”

Birth control gave me liver tumors so like, you know I’m pissed about side effects.