Strife

animehead:

Summary: Nothing says “I love you” like an elbow to the face… or a gun in the mouth. 

Pairing: Dirk/Jake and mentions of Dave/John

Warnings: Oh, boy. Violence, gunplay, blood, smut, humor, bad jokes, and mentions of H. P. Lovecraft, written by me (that’s all the warning you need, really)

This fic was written for ME for my birthday, which is today, so Happy Fucking Birthday To Me! It is also based off this bloody fantastic picture by grolify.  

You balance the two large boxes with one hand while using the other hand to turn your doorknob. When it opens to a crack, you kick it wide enough for you to step through the doorway. The heat from the bottom box is burning your arm, but the aroma of cheap, greasy, pizza more than makes up for it. 

You’re not really hungry, but you plan to work up an appetite. 

You spot your little bro and his idiot boyfriend both sitting on the floor playing your Xbox 360. A few feet away from them, comfortably nestled against a corner of the couch—Playstation Vita in hand—is your clueless beau. 

That appetite of yours, he’ll be helping with that. 

You walk across the living room and toward the kitchen. You make sure to stop directly in front of the television, successfully blocking the view of the two retards touching your shit without your permission. You take pleasure in their cries of protest and you smirk, pleased with yourself when you hear the familiar tune that plays whenever a player has to repeat a level. 

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susaetas:

MALE PRIVILEGE IS WALKING INTO A GROUP OF AMIGAS AND TURNING IT INTO A GROUP OF AMIGOS

drunk-roxy:

moonkistprincess:

indulging-inaccuracy:

tooraloora:

babybarracuda:

oppaisprinkles:

lieutenantcommandersexy:

fallofhyperion:

bayleef:

Make yourself as a mermaid!

i know when i’ve reached the absolute limit of boredom when i start making dolls.

Remember that one time: Bold what applies to you

You are in high school.
You dropped out of high school.
You live within 20 minutes of your best friend.
You live within 20 minutes of the last person you kissed.
You live within 20 minutes of your ex.
You have hugged someone in the last 48 hours.
You have been to the movies within the last week.
You have had 3 or more boyfriends/girlfriends just this year.
You have been a designated driver. 
You have broken merchandise and not paid for it.
You have played strip poker.
You are Catholic.
You are atheist.
You recycle regularly.
You are a brunette.
You have dated a blonde.
You are friends with a redhead.
You are taller than your mum.
You have a bank account.
You’ve written a check for less than $5.
You have visited the Statue of Liberty.
You have visited the Eiffel Tower.
You have visited Big Ben.
You have visited the Colosseum.
You have visited The Great Wall of China.
You have never been out of the country.
You have been a waiter/waitress.
You own a Bible.
You own something with a Pentagram on it.
You have used a Ouija Board.
You have been a witch for Halloween. 
You have been a zombie for Halloween.
You have your eyebrow pierced.
You have a Monroe piercing.
You have your nose pierced.
You have no tattoos. 
You have more than 5 tattoos.
You straighten your hair.
You have worn a dress in the last 3 days.
You live somewhere that gets snow.
You celebrate Hanukkah.
You were at your own house last New Year’s.
You were at a bar last New Year’s.
You slept through last New Year’s.
You have worked on Christmas Eve.
You have worked on Christmas.
You have been told ‘I love you’ by someone today.
You were told by someone who’s not family.
You slept in your own bed last night.
You are dating the last person you kissed.
You regret kissing the last person you kissed. 
You are wearing a necklace right now.
You are wearing something red.
You are wearing something blue.
You are wearing something purple.
Your phone number ends with an even number.
You have kissed the last person you called/texted.
You are currently listening to music.
You are waiting for something.
You don’t like seafood.
You have eaten deer sausage.
You have given a complete stranger your phone number.
You have been hit on at work.
You have been hit on by someone more than 20 years older than you.
You have been whistled at.
You were creeped out by it.
You are a good speller.
You are very punctual.
You were dating someone in December of 2008.
You are still dating that person.
You have cheated on someone.
You have been cheated on.
You have been on a cruise ship.
You have camped out in your own backyard.
You are wearing something that doesn’t belong to you.
You are a Pisces.
You are an Aquarius.
You are a Leo.
You wonder what will happen when you die.
You are afraid of the dark.
You write in all capital letters.
You have been told you have nice handwriting.
You have had a song written for you. 
You have had a picture drawn of you.
You have curly hair.
You are wearing a watch.
You are wearing flip flops.
You wouldn’t date someone who smoked. 
You know someone with the same birthday as you.
You are a morning person.
You are a night owl.
You slept in past 10 am today.
You have big plans for next weekend.
You are thinking of someone right now.
Your job is stressing you out.
You don’t have a job.
You have never had a job.
You were fired from your last job.
You know sign language. 
You will usually try something at least once.
You have been swimming in the last month.
You are pessimistic by nature.
You have taken a ballet class.
You have taken karate judo and tang su do. 
You have taken gymnastics.
You wish on shooting stars.
You wish at 11:11. 
Your birthday has already come this year. 
You have been in a relationship that lasted longer than a year. 
You ended your last relationship.
Your ex ended your last relationship. 
You aren’t over your ex.
You have gone after someone you knew was bad for you.
You have let someone use you.
You were/are a teenage mom. 
You are an otaku.
You are a cosplayer.
You were named after someone. (SOMEONE WAS NAMED AFTER ME, BITCH.)
You like your name.
Your last drink was water.
You have visited somewhere said to be ‘haunted’.
You have skipped school just because you didn’t feel like going.
You have taken medicine when you ‘feel a headache coming on’.
You are self-conscious about your body.
You have a hangover.
You have a pet fish.
You have had a Jehovah’s Witness show up at your house.
You have godparents.
Your parents are still married.
You have step-siblings.
You are the oldest.
You are adopted.
You have a twin.
You don’t want kids.
You want more than four kids.
You have a bad temper.
You have made out with a complete stranger.
You usually make the first move in an intimate situation.
You have worked with a Kayla. 
You have gone to the movies with a Jared.
You have hugged a Lexie.
You have held hands with a Marcus. 
You have dated a Rachel. 
You have broken your arm. 
You have had to get stitches on your face.
You have had an MRI.
Your fingernails are painted.
You like to draw.
You like to sing. 
You can play an instrument.
You keep a lot of secrets from people.
You don’t think people would accept you if they really got to know you.
You don’t trust people easily.
You borrowed something you really need to give back to someone.
You drive a car older than a 2002.
You have lost a friend you never thought you would.
You know a child who died of cancer.
You know a teenager who died in a car wreck.
You have done something illegal in the past 24 hours.
You have cut your hair in the last week.
You wear glasses.
Your favorite season is Autumn.
Your favorite color is orange.
Your favorite animal is a dolphin.
You last rode in a car with a relative.
You last rode in a car with a girl.
You last rode in a car with the person you are dating. 
You regularly watch Asian dramas.
You love Chinese food.
Your best friend is older than you.
You have to go to school/work tomorrow.
You answered every question truthfully.