ok im done terrorizing people on tumblr tonight i will hit the sleep and hope it doesnt hit me back what does that mean i dunno but it only proves to me that i need sleep

julia and i are now conversing in skype sdrawkcab for no reason except cause

shes going along w it and thats why she is an amazing person

==> Dirk: Kill Jake

my-friend-the-frog:

You CAN’T kill Jake. You have sworn to protect everyone.

==> Dirk: cut off his arm.

AUUUUGHHHHHH

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUu-

happyds:

Happy Easter I have irrelevant shitty Trickster porn yeah !!!!!

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‘If you don’t reblog this….’

'I’m judging you if you don’t reblog this…’

'Everyone should reblog this…’

how about GOOD JOB youve successfully made me NOT want to reblog it KAY THANKS

WHAT THE FUCK

MAMIS DEAD ALREADY

GOOD JOB

When throwing a punch:

aepicstranger:

ohroseweasley:

alexandrefelixdarnay:

pfdiva:

starfleetrambo:

sakothefox:

unseilie:

fullofbeansandspunk:

everythingbutharleyquinn:

asinheavenasinhell:

thnafu:

• Use the hand you write with.

• Make a fist with your thumb outside, not tucked inside. If it’s tucked inside your fist, when you punch someone, you might break your thumb. The thumb goes across your fingers, not on the side.

• Don’t be like in the movies—don’t aim for the face. Face punches don’t usually stop people, and you can miss when they duck their head or break your hand on their jaw. If you want to get away quickly, or end a fight, aim for the chest, or the ribs. If you really want to do some damage, e.g., you’re being attacked, aim for the throat, which will make it hard for your attacker to breathe for a hot minute.

• When you punch, you want to aim and hit with your first two knuckles. Not the flats of your fingers, and not your ring or pinky knuckles, which can break more easily. You can use your weight, if you’re on your feet, to add wallop, and spring into a punch with your feet and torso.

Useful information, esp. if you haven’t taken self defense.

I reblogged this once before to add this and I’ll do it again…

keep your wrist straight.

You can also risk breaking your wrist if you allow it to bend.  I actually can’t believe this isn’t in there.

Other good pointers:

• if your attacker is male, go for his junk - especially if he’s wearing loose pants. There’s no sportsmanship when it comes to assault so fuck them balls UP
• punching pretty much ANYWHERE in the face is going to actually hurt you a LOT (just think - you’re punching your bones into their bones and ow). If you’re going for the face, my suggestion is to strick upwards with your palm.

see that meaty portion highlighted in red? There’s a lot of muscle and fat right there which makes it excellent for striking. Hold your hand as shown and aim for the nose or chin (though I’ve been told in extreme circumstances, doing this to the nose can be fatal but I’ve never really heard if this is true or not) and just aim upwards

• other delicate areas: 
• the shin (hurts like a bitch if you kick it right - also, you can hit this spot if you’re being held in a choke-hold and if your attacker has to move in order to stop you from kicking him, he’ll have to angle his body so as to expose his stomach and crotch to the wild spastic jabbings of your elbows)

• the solar plexus (either jab while holding your hand in a sort of spear position or use your elbows - unless you’re super strong, your punch probably won’t wind your attacker. Your elbow or a spear hand will, however)

Originally in (most) martial arts, you hit the solar plexus because it supposedly contained an important chakra. Now we know that it actually also contains like a bunch of necessary organs that are exposed just below your ribs and is also (roughly) where your diaphragm lives so getting punched there is not pleasant.

• the clavicle (from experience, getting hit in your clavicle HURTS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER. If you strike downwards with your knuckles, the person might just cry. Like I did.)

• the ear (this is probably the best place to punch besides the throat. It’s all cartilage so it probably won’t hurt you all that much and most people will be like “DUDE YOU PUNCHED ME IN THE EAR WHAT THE HELL”)
• the kidneys (this is harder to hit without training but if you somehow get your attacker’s back to face you, try to hit’em in the kidneys. Again, from experience, this FUCKING HURTS. You can’t really hit the kidneys from the front with any effect but from the back it is super painful)

• if you’re held in a choke-hold, try turning your head so the forearm isn’t pressed into your throat. If you can position yourself right, you can sort of force your chin into the crook of the elbow, making you able to still receive (limited) oxygen and provide time for you to kick some shins or elbow some spleens and shit

-Also, remember that a guy’s junk is not an off-button. Don’t think that you can rely on a swift kick to the balls to immediately incapacitate him in an emergency. Adrenaline and anger can keep somebody going for a long time even through extreme pain, and if you expect to end a fight with a single groin-attack you might be caught off-guard when he doesn’t drop. Certainly go for it if you get the chance, but keep hitting him until the fight is over.

-Draw blood if you can, especially if you can draw it from the face or the eyes. Blood in the eyes is not just a good way to impair your attacker’s vision, it’s also a really good way to freak them out and let them know that they might be getting more than they bargained for by picking a fight with you.

-Elbows and knees are really powerful weapons. Elbows are very sharp and very strong and if you are in close-range they are often more effective than trying to throw a punch. 

-Yelling and shouting makes you scary. 

Self-defense in driving school taught us that it’s not honestly a good idea to go for the balls. It makes them even more angry and gives them more motivation to hurt you worse.

We’d also learned that its a good idea to go for the eyes if you can. Dudes are scared as shit to lose their vision so, pepperspray if available. If not, using your thumbs to try and gouge their eyes.

Welcome to tumblr, where we teach you how to fight and defend yourself.

In which tumblr teaches you better than highschool.

Oh god getting my eyes gouged out is one of my worst fears

Wow I never realized how badass tumblr was

*sips lime cordial*

ew

*sips lime cordial*

this is gross

*sips lime cordial*

why do people make this

*finishes lime cordial*

why do people drink this

THE TEACHER TOO WHAT

IS EVERYONE TWELVE IN THIS