Happy new year, friends! How about we start the year with some good old porn?
I got this months ago, but it got a little out of hand and a comic happened? Probably missed the mark somewhat, but here we go (no quirks though, sorry)
So one day a dwarf is talking to a human and finally realizes that when humans say woman, they generally mean “person who is theoretically capable of childbirth” because for whatever reason, humans assign social expectations based genital differences. (What a fucked up culture, the dwarf thinks.) But hey, better communication! So the next time the dwarf introduces theirself, they say, oh, by the way, I am what you call a “woman.”
And the trade negotiations just stop. They just stop cold. The tall people insist on speaking to the man, they insist on talking to the lady dwarf about all sorts of irrelevant bullshit, like recepies and childrearing and perfume
so the dwarf goes back home, enraged
and is like “BTW guess what happened, we’re all just going to be men forever now as far as the tall ones are concerned”
and everyone is justly horrified at this barbarism but they all agree to do whatever it takes to squeeze those tall bastards for all the resources they are worth
and the dwarves get surlier, and the trade agreements less generous
and the tall people are all “what a miserable and greedy race”
but really they’re just still nursing a grudge about how goddamn backwards and sexist the tall people are
because their best negotiator, one of their sacred cave people, got snubbed the instant she said she was capable of childbirth - and a mortal insult like that can never be forgiven
I want one of these people to take that condom encased limb and rub it furiously against something and tell me it doesn’t break from too much stretch and friction.
If they say the condom is too small, don’t have sex, get bigger condoms.
That simple.
If one condom fits all, why isn’t there just one size of stockings or pantyhose. It just stretches right? Why are you complaining it’s too small or too big?
A hand has bones in it. An erect penis is kept erect with blood. It’s not entirely solid. Sometimes, a condom is too tight.
These people are fucking imbeciles.
Yeah, I complained to one of my ex’s about the size of the Trojan Enz brand and she stretched it out and said the same stupid bullshit: “Look, it’ll fit over my whole hand. Your cock isn’t that wide!”. I swear, some women are fucking retarded and don’t deserve anyone to sleep with them.
oh gosh thank you I’ve been trying to get this point across tumblr for so long. There is a reason there are different sized condoms yea a small one may fit but the penis is erected through blood if it is too tight it is too small and will cause the erection to go down and is extremely uncomfortable to wear when penetrating and will tear…Men have different sized penises there for get the right size that will be comfortable during penetration.
No, literally all penises are the exact same size, extra large condoms are just made for insecure men.
I get the feeling this is less that women are stupid and more sex education in America is absolutely appalling.
What I find funny is that I keep seeing posts about how stupid men are when it comes to female anatomy, and then the same people go and post things like this.
My partner seems to be the opposite. Convinced he’s smaller than he is then wonders why they break so often.
Now, I’ve been noticing that a lot of people in the fan community are getting into quadrants rather quickly. NOT THAT THIS IS A BAD THING, but I kinda have my own headcanon about Matespritships and Kismesitudes that is a little uncommon, so I’d like to share it.
Now, lets take a moment to look at a Matespritship, shall we?
I like to think that a Matespritship is somewhere between long-term lovers and married. Because I think that an old-fashioned red is literally being so comfortable with someone that when your life depends on it you can fuck them even with a drone watching and waiting.
Meanwhile, we have a Kismesitude. Which seems to be a general consensus
It’s a hate relationship with your arch rival. Your hate for each other burns like a thousands suns. They are your equal, they are the person you constantly bump heads with, the person you’re always trying to one-up. This is a person that you consider your equal, and no one is allowed to punch them except you. It is a person you hate but want to preserve.
So, obviously, these two quadrants are very important. They are the concupiscient quadrants, the partners you submit buckets of genetic material with. Both of these are very crucial to survival, seeing as if you can’t donate, you are culled by the gathering drone because it’ll deem you unfit to contribute to the next generation of the species.
Now, of course, this isn’t the reason I bring these up. The main reason is that I’ve come to realize just how SEVERE it is. Leaving a quadrant, and rendering it null and void, isn’t more than just breaking up. You are basically saying that you don’t care enough to save them when Collection Night comes around. You are saying that you’d leave them to die if they don’t find a new quadrant.
I just felt like people should realize this.
So, that being said, who’s to say that there aren’t any “test-runs” before confirming a quadrant? After all, there’s no proof that there ISN’T something like this(to my limited knowledge). Why can’t we have this little dating phase before jumping into quadrants?
I like to call this phase “Compatibility Testing”, and you would refer to the other troll as “Your Compatible.”
I like to think that this would be an appropriate title for dating trolls. It is, as I said a moment a go, a dating phase where you can still be with a troll, do the nasty with them, and all that fun stuff while still not exactly going into the quad, but at the same time saying that you’re claimed for now/not looking. This is the equivalent to boyfriends/girlfriends, leaving the term Matesprite/Kismesis to the very serious and commited/settled relationships that have already made the commitment to stay together till the bitter end(at least until one person decides to leave the other for dead)
Plus it’s a nice leeway for those that are hesitant to get into a quadrant for one reason or another. That way if it doesn’t work out, there’s less repercussions.
the original post was a picture of an angel crying over someone’s grave. the op stated that they just wanted the post to be left alone for once out of respect, without any fandom bloggers.
then, people went and did this.
this was a LIVING, BREATHING PERSON, and i can’t believe how disrespectful the people who added to this post are being
but wait, there’s more.
a friend of the op told off the people who added on to the post. not a big deal, right?
well, i guess that wasn’t good enough for those people, because they telling the op to go kill themselves, and drove them off their blog (unfortunately, i dont have the original link to where the user defended them but the op said it was tumblr user janecrocker)
if you think that this is acceptable behavior in ANY situation, you are absolute trash. i love both doctor who and sherlock, but people like you are giving these fandoms a bad name. how fucking DARE you go tell someone to end their life and threaten them? think of it this way: what would the doctor do if he saw you behaving this way? what about the winchesters, or even sherlock? i will bet you any amount of money that they would not approve.
honestly, i try my best to be as nice as possible on this website, but when i see things like this, it makes me sick to my stomach. please, be considerate, keep some things to yourself, and for the love of god, DO NOT BE A BULLY
thank you.
Why doesn’t this have any more notes?
The majority does not mean normality. If these people in bigger fandoms think they can do whatever the hell they want because they have more members and have better artists and writers, basically a fandom that is already it’s own world, they’re wrong. When you do something horrible, you do something horrible. No matter who you are or what club you’re a member of. Tumblr does not belong to the fandoms. And we need a little respect here. I know Tumblr can be a little bit contradictory to itself, but this isn’t something we should see walking past. If you want to spread your fangirling on a post that certainly means something more than what your fandom implements, stop. Stop it. There is a thing called being considerate. Do that instead.
If you think this is in any way acceptable, please kick yourself hard in the genitals
Parkinson’s is a degenerative disease and while it’s progress can be slowed down, it currently doesn’t have a cure. People suffering from Parkinson’s will experience a gradual loss of coordination and ability to perform even the most basic of every day tasks, including feeding themselves.
This fucking spoon is HUGEfor them. Look at that gif of the man just trying to eat with the regular spoon and compare it to the liftware device. It’s NOT just a spoon, by the way, it comes with a fork as well, for example.
I found the website for the project where you can purchase a spoon for someone you know/love and even possibly donate money to help someone out who can’t afford it themselves right: HERE.
At the very least, please spread this for all the people who have Parkinson’s or loved ones with Parkinson’s.
You’ll help them take part of their life back.
that’s cool
PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TAKING OUT THE ABOVE INFORMATION AND JUST REBLOGGING THE PICTURE. IF YOU CAN REBLOG THE PICTURE, YOU CAN REBLOG THE LINK TO ACTUALLY HELP PEOPLE. THANKS.
also that whole tale of aragorn and arwen thing where he saw her in the woods at twenty and fell instantly in love and it’s very beren and luthien? lies.
aragorn decided he was going to marry arwen when he was like, six.
and everyone thought it was just the cutest thing, baby estel with his little crush on the great immortal evenstar, and everyone would tease him about it relentlessly and he would get so mad, and pout, because how dare they doubt his word.
(arwen spent a lot of time biting back smiles and nodding very seriously when aragorn brings this up with her. no, estel, I do not know why they are laughing perhaps they have remembered a particularly funny joke.)
and then aragorn grows into this gangly teen and oh my god can you imagine being a pimply greasy teenager around fucking elves it’s a wonder he has any self-image left. His voice breaks every other word and the laundresses are beginning to wonder if something is wrong with the sheets because estel keeps washing them himself and aragorn wants to die, god, arwen is never going to marry him if he stays all elbows and skinny knees and he can’t even look her in the eye anymore without blushing, eye contact is probably something to look for in a husband—
(arwen, who never had to go through puberty because elves don’t do anything so undignified, tries to comfort him by saying she likes his blemishes. aragorn gives her a look of such utter, miserable despair that she starts laughing.)
(this is a mistake. he spends the next three weeks nursing his wounded ego and refusing to see her.)
estel is twenty when he asks for her hand. he is lean, slender and fair as a new tree, and so arwen does not feel guilt in kissing his cheek and gently refusing. he is still green, he will weather greater storms than this—and he takes it as he should, clasping her hand and swearing to ever be her loyal friend.
they write to each other—when she is in lorien, when he wanders with the rangers of the north, fights alongside gondor, travels to distant lands. it is an inconstant tie—he is rarely afforded time enough to put pen to paper; she is reserved so as not to encourage what may not be. (she signs her letters always, your friend. She likes him too well to be cruel in this.)
the years pass. his weariness and strife creeps onto the page, and she sends him tokens to fend off the darkness—leaves from lothlorien, the ribbon from her hair, snippets of poems. it is not enough it is never enough I am sorry, she writes.
his reply is gentle: you are enough. do not stop writing.
(she carries that letter tucked inside her sleeve for a long while, like a talisman—though against what evil, she does not know.)
she is in the house of her grandmother when a familiar voice calls out to her: my lady luthien!
this is when arwen looks up, sees aragorn—broad of chest and rugged, still wearing his battered mail, with one hand balanced lazily on the pommel of his sword. All the trees of caras galadhon are gold but he is shadow and silver, kingliness resting lightly on his shoulders—
