One of the few trends in the modern gaming I totally approve of is that Jacked Space Marines seem to have lost most of their footing as the default male protagonists to the agressive new challenger: Sad Murder Dads
i hope harry took full advantage of being able 2 say he literally died and came back 2 life to save the wizarding world like *has to queue for ten minutes outside the ministry entrance to get into work* ‘i did not die for this’ *hermione is nagging him for some paper work* ‘i already literally died for the wizarding world hermione is that not enough’ *draco makes a smug comment in the corridor* ‘shut up malfoy i died for your sins’
harry james potter, saviour of the wizarding world:
the sorcerer's stone:
dudley asking harry if he wants to practice sticking his head down the toilet and harry replying "no thanks, the poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick" like ooo!!! sick burn!!! good for an 11 year old but overall still in the developmental stage. 6/10
the chamber of secrets:
dudley (once again lmao get rekt) telling harry "i know what day it is" and harry replying "well done, so you've finally learned the days of the week." lockhart trying to be all Amazing Teacher™ and shit and telling harry "just do what i did, harry!" and harry saying "what, drop my wand?" overall good but not with as much of an Oomph™ factor as the sorcerer's stone. 5/10
the prisoner of azkaban:
ah yes!!! Harry's Sass™ in its adolescent years!!!! no longer a toddler, now solidly about 11 years old. draco making fun of harry for fainting at the quidditch game bc of the dementors and saying "shame [the broom] doesn't come with a parachute - in case you get too near a dementor." and harry replying "pity you can't attach an extra arm to yours, malfoy. then it could catch the snitch for you." 8/10 purely because he fucking MURDERED whiny bitch ass baby malfoy ha ha take that
the goblet of fire:
a good amount of sass!! a healthy amount of sass! perhaps a bit held back though (come on harry get it together). rita skeeter annoying harry and asking for a word and jk rowling LITERALLY writing "'yeah, you can have a word,' said harry savagely. 'good-bye'" like FUCK he is canon savage in this book!!!! DAMN!!!!! and then he reks malfoy AGAIN "you know that expression [your mother's got], like she's got dung under her nose? has she always looked like that, or was it just because you were with her?" MOTHERFUCK GO OFF 9/10
the order of the phoenix:
HOLY GRAIL OF HARRY'S SASS™. THE MOTHERLOAD. GOD DAMN. when vernon asks him why he's listening to the news again and harry replies w/ "well, it changes every day, you see." when hermione's warning him about picking fights w/ malfoy bc malfoy will make life hard for him and harry's like "wow, i wonder what it'd be like to have a difficult life" like fuck harry!!! tell us how u really feel!!!! literally ANY TIME he talks to an adult he doesn't like. sassing dudley left & right, putting him in his place w/ "this is night, diddykins. that's what we call it when it goes all dark like this" like fuck harry brought out the big guns w/ "diddykins". overall wonderful, truly. a good healthy teenage dose of sass. 100/10
the half blood prince:
SHIT DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY ANYTHING EXCEPT "THERE'S NO NEED TO CALL ME SIR, PROFESSOR" LIKE FUCK. BEST PART OF THE WHOLE BOOK. OF THE WHOLE SERIES. FUCKING OWNED SNAPE HE'S FUCKIN REKT LYING ON THE FLOOR CRYING DRINKING SOME CHEAP ASS DISGUSTING ASS FIREWHISKEY. BREAKS THE GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKING SCALE SO FAR OFF THE SCALE IT'S ON MARS. INFINITY/10. FUCK.
the deathly hallows:
"it's time you learned some respect!" "it's time you earned it" sassing the minister of magic hooooooo boy. not much else bc harry's too busy like saving the world and shit. so extra points for multitasking and being an overall well rounded sass-er. 8/10
Imagine you’re in a room, and Fred stands up and says “Vote for me and I’ll give everyone fifty bucks and I’ll punch everyone named John right in the face.”
You can probably assume most people will divide into one of three categories: 1) Those who want to see John punched in the face, so vote for Fred. 2) Those who don’t particularly want to see guys named John punched in the face, but want $50 enough that they vote for Fred anyways. 3) And those who are like “Fuck no, I can’t get behind someone who will punch people named John in the face!”
(I think we can easily rule out “people who don’t want $50” as insignificant)
To the people who vote for Fred, the distinction between #1 and #2 is pretty big. The people who fall in catagory #2 probably don’t even talk about guys named John at all - it isn’t a thought or conversation at all. And when Fred gets in and goes around punching guys named John in the face, #2 will say “Yeah, but we don’t hate John! We’re not John-haters!” and really believe it.
But for guys named John, the difference between #1 and #2 is miniscule. They’re all John-haters in John’s mind, because even if #2 doesn’t actively want to see John punched in the face, they didn’t care enough to give anything up to stop it when Fred openly declared he’d punch John in the face.
I think the Johns are in the right here.
Not everyone who voted for Trump voted for him because he is a racist, but everyone who voted for Trump clearly wasn’t turned off enough by his racist speech, platform, and supporters to *not* vote for him.
homophobes are not allowed to enjoy anything that is from the fruits of gay labor!!! computers? banned!!! theatre? banned!! singing along to benny and the jets? BANNED BANNED BANNED NONE OF YOU ARE FREE TO ENJOY MY GAY THINGS!!!!!
homophobes are not allowed to enjoy anything that is from the fruits of gay labor!!! computers? banned!!! theatre? banned!! singing along to benny and the jets? BANNED BANNED BANNED NONE OF YOU ARE FREE TO ENJOY MY GAY THINGS!!!!!
“I’d hit that.” “You… you don’t even know them though??”
“Oh come on, everyone has a list of celebrities they’d totally have sex with if they had a chance.” “Haha yeah ok” *internally* what
“Ya so like for the past few years I’ve felt zero attraction to people I wasn’t friends with first?? Lol what’s up with that”
Why did you have to have sex with them?? Couldn’t you just hold it?? Like pee??
“You’ll meet someone who makes you feel like that someday, don’t worry” “……sounds fake but ok”
“Sex is an important part of a relationship! Everyone has sexual needs!” “….sounds fake but ok”
“Dude that girl is so hot” “I know right?? Look at her fucking eyeliner. Goals. The fuck.” “No I meant like… look at that ass” “Are we looking at the same person are you really focussing on her ass look at how visually appealing her outfit is and dont you dare fuckin tell me that eyeliner isnt fierce as hell”
“Aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction are two different things” *puzzle pieces vERY RAPIDLY FALLING INTO PLACE*
*staring at the ceiling at two-thirty in the morning* i could die a virgin and i would regret absolutely nothing
“What’s your ideal girl like?” “Uh… my best friend?” “Oh cute, you want your girlfriend to be the one who knows you best!” “No I meant I am literally only attracted to my best friend she is my ideal girl please help I am dying”
“We’ve been dating for six months and we still haven’t had sex!!” “Have you marathoned Star Wars together yet?” “Yeah we did that like two weeks ago” “Well what more do you want”
*thinking about an attractive woman* *dissecting my entire personality and sexuality to figure out why I’m attracted to her this time* is it the muscles. Oh my god is this a sex thing. Oh my god what the hell is this. Oh my god what the fuck is the wtf the fuck the fUCK
*Next day* Zarya could punch me in the face while eating me out and I’d let her but only because she’s a fictional character and therefore could literally never do that
*writing fanfic* ONLY CLOSE FRIENDS HAVE SEX BC ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE MAKES SENSE TO ME
(why is that tho. maybe i should look into that *doesnt look into it*)
“What do you find most attractive in a girl?” “Gotta love those strong emotional bonds” “No I meant like what’s a turn-on for you?” “DID I McFUCKING STUTTER”
*staring at the ceiling at two-thirty in the morning again* sexual attraction should be added to the cryptid wikia
“Yeah sex sounds like a great stress reliever and a nice way to strengthen the bonds between you and your partner(s)” “Well there’s more to it than that…” *The Arctic Monkey’s Do I Wanna Know starts playing in my head* “Haha ok buddy”
“There’s more to being ace than just not being interested in having sex or not feeling sexual attraction. In fact there’s a whole spectrum. You may even feel sexual attraction sometimes but still be ace. You can also be gay and ace at the same time.” “…bro.” “Also it’s totally normal.” *sobbing* “…bro. Bro there are words for it there’s an entire list oh my god-”
This is a fake. Sorry. And it’s slowing down real donations.
(Snopes says they’re reaching out for confirmation but I can tell you that I just donated to the legal fund like four hours ago (11/10/2016) and they’re not in the clear yet - they’re also accepting Paypal donations but they’re only 75% of their goal on the crowdfunding website. Lawyers are expensive, legal fees are expensive, they arrested well over a hundred people and are trying to stick them with felony charges. Bail alone is four figures. Please don’t let them disrupt NDN lives and break up NDN families and social structures with a prison sentence - not any more than they already are.)
